Unexpected

Por Jess Márquez Gaspar

For the right one for me who came at the wrong time

Loving you is unexpected.

When I made a list of things I wanted in a partner

I didn't see you in my mind

But then I met you,

You became that friend you have to tell everything

And I started needing the sound of your laugh in the voice messages,

And I discover the lies you tell when you feel hurt,

And I memorized the stories about your life before I was a part of it,

So I could puzzle together the image of who you have been

And where you come from,

Piece by piece.

And the more we talked

The more I learned. 

I found out you are a fan of peanut butter,

That you have an impulse need for buying beautiful items

And delicious food,

That you don't waste time thinking about the future,

And the present is full of unanswered questions you never ask. 

I realized you learned to be tough

To hide how soft you really are,

A cat that at first won't let people get near their body,

But one night goes crawling to sleep by their love one side,

And never leaves. 

I found out that your eyes could be lakes of sorrow,

That you use sunglasses even indoors so they can't be read,

Because in them is the story you hide

While you tell the world another one that you created,

And your mouth hide laugh and tears

But can't pretend you don't desire

And you bite your lip and smile under it.

I learned the tones of your voice 

Like I learned to read music

Hearing the details nobody else is paying attention,

And there was the high Do of your pain,

And the lower one of your seduction,

And the Mi was unshown but there excitement

And there it was the Re of your content anger. 

I became fluent in your language. 

Your silents have multiple meanings:

Sometimes is the fear you have to be honest,

Others are the casquets of the feelings you want to bury in denial,

But other times, when you are happy

Are all the "I love you" you hided away from me for a long time,

And the ones you just left hanging in the room,

Unspoken,

Letting your eyes tell me. 

That's why that day you broke the silent

You risked everything,

And, over the bottle of rum, you told me

"I think I'm in love with you",

I understood all the multiple meanings in the glass,

You shared at that moment. 

I realize your age is a game,

Because you say all the time you are too old

And I'm 15 years too young. 

But the truth is you are just a little kid,

Your whole face showing the next mischief you are going to do,

Your body tells the story of your naked innocence

When you surrender yourself to loving me and to me loving you. 

You blush like a teenager,

I can almost hear your heart pounding over your intent of self-control,

Your happiness is so genuine,

A baby laughing. 

There is this idea you can't let go

That everything has to be exactly how you decided it,

And planed it,

And when it doesn't happen,

When the people around you color outside of your lines,

You get mad,

Because the movie should have ended differently,

And the characters of your life throw the script away,

You look at them

At me

As I have ended a beautiful game. 

But then I saw the scars, 

The one you hide away under the gorgeous pictures in your Instagram,

Their colors and lights trying to overshadow the ugly,

The people who hurt you,

The one that didn't accept you,

The others that left when you need them the most,

The decisions you took out of an impulse and you now regret,

The experiences that are the book of tales you take around,

but only read to a few. 

For me, you became clear,

And I felt 

Maybe

I became clear to you too,

In a way, I don't even want to recognize. 

But loving you is unexpected. 

And I don't know when it started. 

I can't pinpoint it by looking at my planner,

I can't tell if it was a Wednesday or if I went to the bank after,

I can't say it was like in the chick flicks you watch over and over,

There was no big realization,

There was a March 15th,

There was one night I started talking to you on the phone,

And suddenly we went on a trip and came back two hours later. 

Loving you was unexpected. 

Happened little be little,

It was these tiny moments,

Scratches and images

That became a collage. 

And one day I let myself see it,

See you completely,

All the pieces put together

And realize there you were:

All I ever wanted in a partner,

In the wrong time,

In the wrong moment of our lives,

And then, when I least expected

I realized I have always loved you

And then

That I had to let you go...

Crédito de la imagen: wipune.