Unexpected

Por Jess Márquez Gaspar

For the right one for me who came at the wrong time

Loving you is unexpected

When I made a list of things I wanted in a partner

I didn't see you in my mind

But then I met you

You became that friend you have to tell everything

And I started needing the sound of your laugh in the voice messages

And I discover the lies you tell when you feel hurt

And I memorized the histories about your life before I was a part of it

So I could puzzle together the image of who you have been 

And where you come from

Piece by piece

And the more we talked

The more I learned

I find out you are a fan of peanut butter

That you have an impulse need for buying beautiful items

And delicious food

That you don't waste time thinking about the future

And the present is full of unanswered questions you never ask

I realized you learned to be tough

To hide how soft you really are

A cat that at first won't let people get near their body

But one night goes crawling to sleep by their love one side

And never leaves

I found out that your eyes could be lakes of sorrow

That you use sunglasses even indoors so they can't be read

Because in them is the history you hide

While you tell the world another one that you created

And your mouth hide laugh and tears

But can't pretend you don't desire

And you bite your lip and smile under it

I learned the tones of your voice 

Like I learned to read music

Hearing the details nobody else is paying attention

And there was the high Do of your pain

And the lower one of your seduction

And the Mi was unshown but there excitement

And there it was the Re of your content anger

I became fluent in your language

Your silents have multiple meanings:

Sometimes is the fear you have to be honest

Others are the casquet of the feelings you want to bury in denial

But other times, when you are happy

Are all the "I love yous" you hide away from me for a long time

And the ones you just left hanging in the room

Unspoken

Letting your eyes tell me

That's why that day you broke it

You risked everything 

And over the bottle of rum, you told me

"I think I'm in love with you"

I understood all the multiple meanings in the glass

You shared at that moment

I realize your age is a game

Because you say all the time you are too old

And I'm 15 years too young

But the truth is you are just a little kid

Your whole face showing the next mischief you are going to do,

Your body tells the story of your naked innocence

When you surrender yourself to loving me and to me loving you

You blush like a teenager

I can almost hear your heart pounding over your intent of self-control

Your happiness is so genuine 

A baby laughing

There is this idea you can't let go 

That everything has to be exactly how you decided it

And planed it

And when it doesn't happen

When the people around you color outside of your lines

You get mad

Because the movie should have ended differently

And the characters of your live throw the script away

You look at them

At me

As I have ended a beautiful game

But then I saw the scars 

The one you hide away under the gorgeous pictures in your Instagram

Their colors and lights trying to overshadow the ugly

The people who hurt you

The one that didn't accept you

The others that left when you need them the most

The decisions you took out of an impulse and you now regret

The experiences that are the book of tales you take around but only read to a few 

For me, you became clear

And I felt maybe

I became clear to you too

In a way, I don't want to recognize

But loving you is unexpected

And I don't know when it started

I can't pinpoint it by looking at my planner

I can't tell if it was a Wednesday or I went to the bank after

I can't say it was like in the chick flicks you watch over and over

There was no big realization

There was a March 15

There was one night I started talking to you on the phone

And suddenly we went on a trip and came back two hours later

Loving you was unexpected

Happened little be little

It was these tiny moments

Scratches and images

That became a collage

And one day I let myself see it

See you completely

All the pieces put together

And realize there you were

All I ever wanted in a partner

In the wrong time

In the wrong moment of our lives

And then, when I least expected

I realized I have always loved you

And then

That I had to let you go...

Crédito de la imagen: wipune.